45 lbs.

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What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

45 minutes.

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One sperm says to the other, "How far is it to the ovaries?"

The other one says, "Relax. We just passed the tonsils."

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So they found Adolf Hitler. That's the good news.

The bad news is that they're going to try him in Los Angeles.

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What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman?

Sexual harassment.

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What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man?

$3.99 a minute.

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What's the difference between pink and purple?

The tightness of your grip.

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How are women and rocks alike?

You skip the flat ones.

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Did you hear about the new blonde paint?

It's not real bright, but it's cheap, and spreads easy.

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How can you tell if your wife is dead?

The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

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How can you tell if your husband is dead?

The sex is the same but you get the remote.

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What's the difference between Pee-wee Herman and O.J.?

It only took 12 jerks to get O.J. off.

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What's another term for lesbian?

"Vagitarian."

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