A cop on the beat sees him and approaches, "Can I help you, sir?"

"Yesssh! Sshomebody sshtole my car!" the man replies.

The cop asks, "Where was your car the last time you saw it?"

"It wasssh at the end of thisssh key!" the man replies, logically, if a bit too literally.

About this time the cop looks down to see that the man's member is exhibited for all the world to see.

He asks the man, "Sir, are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"

The man looks down woefully and without missing a beat, moans, "Ohhh GOD...they got my girlfriend too!"

Same drunk, next night, on his back in the gutter beside his car with a cell phone....dials 911....

"Tssshey really dssit to me tsssis time...bastards stook the brakes, clutchhh, and even the dam shhteering wheel!!!!!

Calls 911 again in 10 minutes.....

"sholllley offishhure, got in the back seat by mishhtake..bye!