One day her mother asked her totake a basket of fresh fruit and mineral water to her grandmother'shouse -- not because this was woman's work, mind you, but because the deedwas generous and helped engender a feeling of community.

Furthermore,her grandmother was not sick but was rather in full physical and mentalhealth and was fully capable of taking care of herself as a matureadult.

So Red Riding Hood set off with her basket of food through the woods.

Manypeople she knew believed that the forest was a dark and foreboding placeand never set foot in it.

Red Riding Hood, however, was confident in herown budding sexuality so that such obvious Freudian imagery did not hinderher.

On the way to Grandma's house, Red Riding Hood was accosted by a Wolf, whoasked her what was in her basket.

She replied, "Some healthful snacks formy grandmother, who is certainly capable of taking care of herself as amature adult."

The Wolf said, "You know, my dear, it isn't safe for you, a little girl, towalk through these woods alone."

Red Riding Hood said, "I find your sexist remark offensive in the extreme,but I will ignore it because of your traditional status as an outcast fromsociety, the stress of which has caused you to develop your own, entirelyvalid, world view. Now if you'll excuse me, I must be on my way."

Red Riding Hood walked on along the main path.

But because his statusoutside society freed him from slavish adherence to linear, Western-stylethought, the Wolf knew of a quicker route to Grandma's house.

He burstinto the house, and ate Grandma, an entirely logical course of action for acarnivore such as himself.

Then, unhampered by rigid, traditionalistnotions of what was masculine or feminine, he put on Grandma's nightclothesand crawled into bed.

Red Riding Hood entered the cottage and said, "Grandma, I have broughtyou some fat-free, sodium-free snacks to salute you in your role as awise and nurturing matriarch."

From the bed, the Wolf said softly, "Come closer child, so that I mightsee you."

Red Riding Hood said, "Oh, I forgot you are as optically challenged as abat. Grandma, what big eyes you have!"

"They have seen much and forgiven much, my dear."

"Grandma, what a big nose you have -- only relatively of course, andcertainly attractive in its own way," Red Riding Hood said next.

"It has smelled much and forgiven much, my dear."

Then Red Riding Hood said, "Grandma, what big teeth you have!"

The Wolf said, "I am happy with who I am and what I am," and leaped outof bed.

He grabbed Red Riding Hood in his claws, intent on devouringher.

Red Riding Hood screamed, not out of alarm at the Wolf's apparenttendency towards cross-dressing, but because of his willful invasion ofher personal space.

Her screams were heard by a passing woodchopper-person (or log-fueltechnician, as he preferred to be called).

When he burst into thecottage, he saw the melee and tried to intervene.

But as he raised hisaxe, Red Riding Hood and the Wolf both stopped.

"And what do you think you're doing?" Red Riding Hood asked.

The wood-chopper-person blinked and tried to answer, but no words cameto him.

"Bursting in here like a Neanderthal, trusting your weapon to do yourthinking for you!" she said. "Sexist! Speciesist! How dare you assumethat women and wolves can't solve their own problems without a man'shelp!"

When she heard Red Riding Hood's speech, Grandma jumped out of theWolf's mouth, took the woodchopper-person's axe, and cut his head off.

After this ordeal, Red Riding Hood, Grandma, and the Wolf felt a certaincommonality of purpose.

They decided to set up an alternative householdbased on mutual respect and cooperation, and they lived together in thewoods happily ever after.