Dear Sir:

My friend,Ed, over at Wells Iowa, received a check for $1,000 from the government for not raising hogs.

So, I was wondering if I could get into the "not raising hog" business next year.

What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to raise hogs on and what is the best breed of hogs not to raise?

I want to be sure that I approach this endeavor in keeping with all governmental policies.

I would prefer not to raise Raserbacks but if that is not a good breed not to raise then I will just as gladly not raise Yorkshires or Durocs.

As I see it, the hardest part of this program will be in keeping an accurate inventory of how many hogs I have not raised.

My friend, Ed, is very joyful about the future of this business.

He has been raising hogs for 20 years and the best he ever made on them was $422 in 1968, until this year when he got your check for $1,000 for not raising hogs.

If I get $1,000 for not raising 50 hogs will I get $2,000 for not raising 100 hogs?

I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down to about 400 hogs not raised which will mean about $80,000 the first year.

Then I can afford an airplane.

Now, another thing. These hogs I will not raise will not eat 1,000,000 bushels of corn.

I understand that you also pay farmers for not raising corn and wheat.

Will I qualify for payments for not raising wheat and corn not to feed the 4,000 hogs I am not going to raise?

Also I am considering the "not milking cows" business so please send me any information you have on that, too.

In view of these circumstances, you understand that I will be totally unemployed and plan to file for unemployment and food stamps.

You can be sure you will have my vote in the coming election.

Patriotically Yours,

P.S. Would you please notify me when you plan to distribute more free cheese?