.....from the Cat Files.....

This And That
A wealthy couple had planned to go out for the evening. The woman of the house decided to give their butler, Jeeves, the rest of the night off. She said they would be home very late, and that he should just enjoy his evening. As it turned out, however, the wife wasn't having a good time at the party, so she came home early, alone. Her husband had to stay there, as several of his important clients were there. As the woman walked into her house, she saw Jeeves sitting by himself in the dining room. She called for him to follow her, and led him into the master bedroom. She then closed and locked the door.
She looked at him and smiled. "Jeeves," she said. "Take off my dress."
He did this carefully.
"Jeeves,"she continued. "Take off my stockings and garter."
He silently obeyed her.
"Jeeves," she then said. "Remove my bra and panties."
As he did this, the tension continued to mount.
She looked at him and then said,
"Jeeves, if I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired!"
******
Man to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God to Man: "So you would love her."
"But God," Man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
God replies: "So she would love you."
******
Diamonds are a girl's best friends.
Dogs are man's best friend.
So which is the dumber sex?
******
God created man before creating woman, because you need a rough draft before creating a masterpiece.
******
Wieners come in packs of 10,
buns in packs of 8,
beer in packs of 6,
condoms in packs of 3.
Why can't they get it straight.
Men need a calculator just to have a weekend.
******
Single women complain that all the good men are married,
while all married women complain about their lousy husbands.
This confirms that there is no such thing as a good man.
******
Two little boys were engaging in the time honored tradition of a verbal battle like little boys all over the world.
"My Father is better than your Father!"
"No, he's not!"
"My brother is better than you brother!"
"He is not! He is not!!!"
"My Mother is better than your Mother!"
A long pause ensued...
"Well, I guess ya got me there. I've heard my father say the same thing more than once."
******
A fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone, come in on a fairly regular basis.
After the second week, he made his move.
"No thank you." she said politely. "This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I'm keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love."
"That must be rather difficult." the man replied.
"Oh, I don't mind too much." she said.
"But, it has my husband pretty upset."