.....from the Cat Files.....

Short, But Sweet!!!
Q: What is the difference between a redneck divorce and a tornado?
A: Nothing. You're gonna lose the trailer either way!
Prosecutor: "Did you kill the victim?"
Defendant: "No, I did not."
P: "Do you know what the penalties are for perjury?"
D: "Yes, I do. And they`re a hell of a lot better than the penalty for murder."
Three guys are debating who has the best memory.
First guy says, "I can remember the first day of my First Grade class."
Second guy says, "I can remember my first day at Nursery School!"
Not to be outdone, the third guy says, "Hell, that's nothing.
I can remember going to the senior prom with my father, and coming home with my mother."
Q: What do you have when you've got 50 lesbians and 50 union workers?
A: 100 people who dont do dick.
Q: What's the last thing that goes through a fly's mind when it hits a car window?
A: Its ass.
Q: What is the difference between a brown-noser and a shit-head?
A: Depth perception.
The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk.
Both are dragging their right foot as they walk.
As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points at his foot and says, "Vietnam, 1969."
The other hooks his thumb behind him and says, "Dog shit, 20 feet back."