Me: Hi! You must be the waiter.

Waiter: Yes, sir! How may I serve you?

Me: I'm hungry today! What's today's special?

Waiter: At this establishment, *everything* is special *everyday*!

Me: May I see a menu, please?

Waiter: Sure. Menu on counter. Next to cash register.

Me: Well, aren't you going to get it?

Waiter: Why? You need it, I don't!

Me: But, aren't you the waiter?

Waiter: Yes, and you are the customer! How may I serve you?

Me: Just get me the menu!

Waiter: Okay, okay ...The waiter leaves and returns with a menu.

Waiter: Okay, here menu. Now, what you like to order?

Me: Let's see. I think I'll have the beef chow fun.

Waiter: Ah! Beef chow fun! You want to have some fun! Ha, ha! Get it? Have some *fun*?

Me: Man, you have a terrible sense of humor!

Me: May I have my order of fun, please?

Waiter: We don't serve fun here. Not that kind of business.

Me: No!! I mean the kind of fun in the kitchen ... in the wok!

Waiter: Ugh! Fun in the wok! You americans are *very* strange!

Me: No, no! Look, I want that order of beef chow fun!

Waiter: Ah, you want CHOW fun!

Me: That's what I said!

Waiter: No problem.The waiter walks toward the order window.

Waiter: One order beef chow fun!

Me: Oh, waiter! No MSG!

Waiter: One order beef chow fun! Hold MSG!

Cook: Two order beef chow fun! One no MSG!

Waiter: No! ONE order beef chow fun! No MSG!

Cook: You say TWO order beef chow fun! One no MSG!

Waiter: No! I say one order beef chow fun, then I say no MSG!

Cook: No, you say one order beef chow fun, and one order beef chow fun, no MSG! That TWO order beef chow fun, one no MSG!

Waiter: Look ... I only want ONE order beef chow fun, okay?

Cook: Any MSG?

Waiter: No!

Cook: (mumbles) Nobody like MSG. Don't know why. Taste good. Maybe make you a little nervous, but so coffee ...The waiter returns to the table.

Waiter: Cook is cook your order now.

Cook: Order ready! One beef chow fun, no MSG!

Waiter: Here you are! One beef chow fun!

Me: Thanks. Wait! Why is there a spoon? Where's my chopsticks?

Waiter: Chow fun usually side dish. We serve with spoon.

Me: Well, I suppose I can use the spoon. Hey, what's this side dish?

Waiter: (Looks at the little dish) Don't know. Hey, cook!! Come out here! The cook returns to the table.

Cook: Yeah?

Me: What's this white powder on this side dish?

Cook: Oh! That MSG.

Me: I said NO MSG.

Cook: I know. That why I put on side dish. In case you change your mind.

Me: I WON'T change my mind! I don't like MSG!

Cook: Look. Little bit of MSG, no hurt. Eat 5 gallon MSG, then maybe hurt.

Me: Well, I've heard people reacted strangely to it ...

Cook: (Angry) Look! I eat it! Prove to you that MSG a-okay! The cook takes a heaping spoonful of MSG and swallows it.

Cook: (Smiles.) See? Nothing wrong! Everything okay. The cook stops smiling. Suddenly, the cook falls to the ground and shakes uncontrollably.

Me: Uh-oh. Maybe we should get a doctor.

Waiter: No. He just on his break. He be okay in one hour.

Me: You guys are nuts. Just leave me alone.

Cook: (Gasps) I ... need ... water!

Waiter: You customer?

Cook: No.

Waiter: You not customer, I no serve you.

Me: May *I* have some water?

Waiter: You customer?

Me: Yes. Are you a waiter?

Waiter: Sorry. I'm on my break.

Me: All right. Who will be serving me?

Waiter: My daughter. The waitress.The waiter leaves and his daughter, the waitress is GORGEOUS ...

Me: YOU'RE the waitress?

Me: I want some more fun.

Waitress: (slaps me) I'm not that kind of girl!

Me: (Sighs) Just get me another order of beef chow fun.

Cook: (From the floor) No MSG!