She looks the man up and down and says, I've got news for you - you're going straight to hell!"

The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "Good heavens, I'm on the wrong bus!"

The atheist says to the priest "How can you believe in god?

You know nothing like that can exist!"

The priest says, "How can you say something like that, my son?

Of course God exists!

Look at his work, all around you!"

The atheist replies, "You know what I mean.

The world is so incongruous, there's no way it was created by god.

Take the hummingbird.

It spends its life flitting from flower to flower, but doesn't need to go very far from where it was born to find food.

It can live its entire life in a small area... yet, it can fly around the world!

And then, look at the hippo.

Big, ungainly... needs hundreds of pounds of food every day, but can't get very far to go find it.

Yet, that hippo, who needs to be able to move much more freely, can't fly!

Why can't hippos fly???"

Just then, a bird flies by, and drops an unsavory load, right between the atheist's eyes.

The priest says "I guess you just got your answer, from on high!"

When her private plane pulled in, they put the steps down.

The first two people off the plane were Catholic priests, then came Dolores, and then came four more Catholic priests.

Hope nudged a friend and said, "I don't know why she just doesn't buy insurance like everybody else."

Upon opening it, a genie appears and grants the fellow one wish.

After thinking about it for a while, the man says, "I'd like to shoot par golf regularly."

"No problem," says the genie, "But understand that your sex life will be greatly reduced as a side effect."

"I can handle that," the man says, and POOF, the deed is done.

Several months later, the genie reappears on the same golf hole and asks the man how his golf game is doing.

"Fantastic!" says the man, "I'm now carrying a scratch handicap."

"And what effect has it had on your sex life?" the genie inquires.

"I still manage to have relations 2-3 times a month," the fellow answers calmly.

"2-3 times a month," the genie says, "That's not much of a sex life."

"Well," the fellow responds, "I don't think it's too bad for a middle-aged priest with a very small parish."

"Three across," he said out loud.

"Exclusively female, four letters, ends in U-N-T."

"That would be 'Aunt,'" suggested the curate.

"So it would," said the Bishop.

"Have you an eraser by any chance?"

Weeks of trying to teach the bird other phrases proved useless, & the bird still dropped the same line, usually at the most inopportune moments, much to the lady's embarrassment.

One day her parish Priest dropped by for a visit, & sure enough, while he was there the parrot squawked out the only words it would say.

After apologizing profusely to the Priest, the lady explained her bird resisted all efforts at reformation.

The Priest offered to take the bird to visit the two birds he had, as all his birds would say were Hail Marys while clutching rosaries in their talons, & he was certain they would be a good influence on the lady's bird.

So he took the parrot to his house & put it in the cage with his two birds, & the first words out of the newcomer's mouth were, "My name is Mary & I'm a whore."

The priest, being most anxious to see what would happen was dumbfounded when one of his birds said to the other, "Throw that damn rosary away, our prayers have been answered!"

"Hello Abie, how's it by you?"

"Vell, Hymie, to tell you the truth, I've a big problem with mine son Myron."

Says Hymie, "So vots the problem?"

Abie replies, "Vell, Myron vent to Israel on holiday, and ven he came home, I found out, he vas converted to Christianity.... vot should I do?"

"Funny you should mention", says Hymie.

"Mine Boychik Selwyn, he also vent to Israel on holiday, and guess vot?

Ven he returned, he vos also converted to Christianity.

I'm not sure vot to do about it".

Abie suggests that, as they are near Schul, they should consult Rabbi Greenspan.

Thus agreed, they tell their respective stories to the Rabbi.

Rabbi Greenspan responds, "Funny you should mention it, but mine son, Moshe, also vent to Israel for his holidays, and guess vot?

He vos also converted to Christianity!!!

I am at my wits end, I don't know vot to do!"

By consensus, the three gentlemen decide that the only option they have is prayer.

As they are praying, a thundercloud appears in an otherwise clear blue sky.

A thunderbolt flickers, and a voice booms from above:

"FUNNY YOU SHOULD MENTION IT ................"